"Lord I know the order's pretty tall, but find me;
and that'll be all"
Maybe it's just to much to ask for, maybe he doesn't exist, maybe he's right around the corner, maybe I already know him but I just haven't noticed it all yet.
Maybe I'm being to picky, maybe I'm not picky enough.... all the what if's and maybes...
is it to much to ask for a guy who likes to go out have fun, dance for hours, maybe have a couple beers but doesn't have to get drunk all the time. A guy who goes out but still enjoys sitting with his arm around me watching Lonesome Dove.
A guy who chooses to watch the NFR over a football game.
A guy who loves to get out and go for a ride. A guy that I can just put on a horse and go, one that I don't have to worry about losing somewhere along the trail.
A sweet guy who looks forward to seeing me as much as I look forward to seeing him, calls me when he says he will, and doesn't give short uninterested replies.
A man who's easy to carry on a conversation; doesn't get offended by my smart ass ways, one who can dish it out just as well as he can take it but knows when to quit.
A guy who knows how to compliment me on more than just my looks and when he does compliment my looks he means it.
A guy that encourages me and inspires me by just being who is he rather than drags me down and always makes me feel like it's a competition to keep his interest.
A man that does his best to follow the path that God has set for him, heck a man that actually trusts in and believes in God. Who understands that going to church on Sunday doesn't make you a good person. He could go weekly or yearly , but he understands that it's how you live your life between visits.
And a man that succeeds in doing all that on his own, because that's who he is. Not because he knows that's what I want and he's just trying to make it work...
I can't imagine that I'm really that complicated to get along with. But dang with my track record with guys it sure seems like it. Maybe I have to much fight, try and stubbornness in me for the wrong guys.... well no that's not a maybe. That's a definitely.. definitely been proven time and again that I'll fight for the wrong guys for far to long before I get it through my own hard head that it's not worth putting that much effort in to someone who isn't willing to try half as hard. There's a reason for everything and I just have to wait and find it. I know it's just my competitive side though. If I'm not good enough for a guy to fight for but I'm not one he wants to let go either then I want to know why. I want to fix it... I don't know. I know I'm a runner that's for sure. If I can't fix a problem I'm just going to ignore it... I'm not sure if that's a good habit or a bad one... sure makes life easier though than just sitting around getting all worked up about stuff that I can't do anything about...
I'm hard headed and I know it and I'm proud of that. It's the reason I'm at where I'm at today. It's the reason I'm pursuing a career in the equine industry rather than settling for a retail management job. It's the reason I want to own and operate my own business rather than work for someone else. It does cause me some troubles though from time to time. Like with the whole not giving up on something that I know I should... I wish I could help people figure me out and figure out how to get things to go through my thick skull but dang I haven't even quite figured that out. Once I finally convince myself to quit trying for something that I know isn't what I want or need in the first place I still have to keep reminding myself why I need to quit... I don't like quitting... I feel like there's always something I could have done better or differently...
There are a lot of things I don't know about life. A lot of things that I still have to learn about myself. But the one thing I do know however is that I need to continue to grow in my faith. The days that I feel most accomplished are the days that I feel closest to God. And vice versa; the days feel closest to God are the days I accomplish most.
